1. If you have 28 new symptoms, 27 of them will be vague.
2. If there are 18 diseases consistent with your vague symptoms, you will be tested for 17 of them.
3. If you rule out the first 17 diseases, no one will test you for the 18th one (Cushing’s) as it is too rare.
4. If you think you have Cushing’s and are overweight, you will be told you don’t have Cushing’s – you just need to eat better and exercise more. If you think you have Cushing’s and are thin, you will be told you don’t have Cushing’s because Cushing’s patients are overweight.
5. If you do get tested for Cushing’s, the test will come back negative. Twice.
6. When your tests for Cushing’s finally come back positive, you will be told you don’t have Cushing’s but you are definitely stressed out.
7. If you have a pituitary tumor and get an MRI, the MRI report will say you don’t have a tumor. If you have a bilateral adrenalectomy to treat Cushing’s, the CT report will say both your adrenal glands look great.
8. If you can’t get pregnant as a result of Cushing’s, the only thing you will fit into are maternity clothes.
9. If you get Cushing’s you will stay thin from the kneecaps down, but you won’t know that because your belly will be blocking your view.
10. The number of times you will be told to go out and get some fresh air is inversely related to the probability you can get out of bed.
11. If you get Cushing’s, your rate of weight gain will be inversely proportional to the number of calories you consume.
*Special thanks to my friend Jessica for her contributions to this post.